I think my doctor is unhappy with me. I would be. For a couple years, she has been treating me for various ailments of middle-age: high blood pressure, asthma, chronic ear infection, foot pain during hours of standing at work. Lately, though, I’ve been resisting her treatments and pills.
The expense dismays me because she charges by the treatment rather than the visit. (I don’t know. Maybe this is standard practice.) The pills and inhalers she prescribes are expensive, even when covered mostly by insurance from work.
The bill for an MRI on my feet particularly brought me grief. Again, the bulk of the charge was covered by insurance. I still had to pay hundreds of dollars I could have used much better elsewhere. I’m just glad the MRI showed nothing wrong.
My problem is I don’t want to make the effort to get better. I would rather pursue my writing career than exercise to lower my blood pressure. I don’t want to be chained to using pills and inhalers the rest of my life. Besides, I feel all right the way I am.
As much as I hear and believe that He delights in me, I could also say the Great Physician is unhappy with me. He wants to treat my various spiritual ailments: a nasty temper, a poor opinion of people in general though I like various individuals, a broad streak of independence. I would much rather pursue my writing and marketing schemes than wait for guidance.
And I have this reluctance to seek treatment. I know it will require some sacrifice for every little thing. It will mean big sacrifices for major problems.
Yes, He covered the bulk of the cost on the Cross. Still, doses of humility are hard to swallow. He also requires applications of prayer and exposure to the radiant light of Scripture. But give me a break! I feel all right the way I am.
What keeps you from seeking the help you know you need? Pride? Contentment in your present condition? Reluctance to pay the costs? Feel free to comment and tell me.